A guy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of their most expensive single malt scotch. The bartender sets up the ten shot glasses. The man takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. The man then pours the last shot on the floor. The bartender then says “Get the fuck out of my bar.” The man asks “Don’t you want to know why I did that?” with a dumb grin on his face. The bartender says “No. Pay me for the shots and get the fuck out.” The man dejectedly pays for the shots and leaves.
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A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats, he stands up, stretches, and then pulls out a gun. He blows everyone away in the room except for the bartender. The panda drops $20 on the bar and begins to leave. The bartender asks why he shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia, then leaves. The bartender doesn’t have an encyclopedia at hand and instead calls the police. He answers their questions and finally leaves for the day. By the time he arrives home to actually be able to look into an encyclopedia, he’s forgotten all about the panda’s explanation for the killings. The bar is the most deserted it’s ever been for the next week until the panda is found and killed by authorities in his apartment complex, after a long and drawn out gunfight. The bar’s attendance returns to normal shortly thereafter.
A guy walks into a bar and sits at a table. He tells the waitress, “I’ll have a Bloody Mary and a menu.” When she returns with his drink, he asks “Are you still serving breakfast?” After she confirms that they are, he replies, “Then I’ll have two eggs, runny on the top and burnt on the bottom, five strips of bacon raw on one end and blackened on the other, and a cold cup of coffee.” The waitress nods and says “Coming right up.”
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “That’s cool… So, can I get a Bud Light?”
A rabbi, a priest, and a Lutheran minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “What can I get you guys?”
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